If I compare myself to the most wretched people I can think of, I look pretty good. Faithful husband, even before getting married, lived a mostly honest life, only stolen two objects… both before 17.
But, I know a little of my inner man, and God knows the whole of me. On my own, before God, I would provoke a storm of holy fire that would wholly consume me in everlasting judgment. If not for the grace and mercy that has come to me through the covering work of Jesus Christ, I’d be a 5’10.5” charcoal briquette almost indistinguishable next to Stalin’s 5’ 5” one.
In Luke 7:36-50, Jesus gets invited to dinner at the house of a religious leader who denies him all the common niceties of being a guest. While there, a woman of ill-repute gets into the house and falls weeping at Jesus’ feet, which stick out behind Him as He sits on the ground at the table. She cleans His feet with her own tears, dries them with her hair, and anoints them with precious ointment. After illustrating with a story, Jesus tells the offended Rabbi, who is disgusted by Jesus’ tolerance of such antics from “that sort of woman,” “I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.”
It is a matter of perception. When we understand just how great our offense against God was when Jesus forgave it, our love for God will be great, our gratitude beyond measuring, our humility plain to all. If, however, we see our sin as slight, (which it is not) as if a mere trifle for God to reasonably overlook, then our love for God and our gratitude for His mercy will be trivial, and our love of ourselves and our confidence in what we have to offer God will be great. Both are a precarious place to be. The latter is beyond repentance until he comes to see himself reflected back to himself hideously in the holiness of God. The former has experienced a level of mercy that needs to be reflected back upon all those whom he or she has reason to resent, or even hate.
In Matthew 18:21-34, Jesus tells the parable of a man who owes his lord three and a half billion in today’s dollars and receives mercy when he begs for it. Then that forgiven servant goes out and finds a guy who owes him a couple months wages. He demands payment, chokes him out, and turns him over to debtor’s prison when he can’t cough it up. This does not sit well with the merciful lord, so he un-forgives the debt and casts that wicked sinner into debtor’s prison. Jesus ends with some terrifying words for those of us who have been injured, robbed, offended, or even oppressed and struggle finding the ability or willingness to forgive. He says, “So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”
Forgiveness can be a tricky word. In a meeting my university class had with a famous Jewish Nazi hunter, one of my mates asked him, why don’t you just forgive them? A look of puzzlement came over the man’s face. He said, “God can forgive them at the end of a rope if He wishes, but it is my job to put them there.” My associate was horrified by the reply. Each completely missed the fact that they were giving two different meanings to the word “forgive.”
Men can forgive debts that are owed to them, but only God can forgive sins, [1] for ultimately, sin is against God.[2] Still, people do wrong one another and owe debts that even Jesus will describe as “your brother sins against you.”[3] And it is this understanding of debt and forgiveness that we must cultivate. This distinction is lost on many, but Jesus is careful to tack on “from your heart” to “forgive” for this very reason.
The forgiveness that we extend as Christians is NOT a forgoing of justice. Criminal evil doers must be brought to justice if for no other reason than to keep them from continuing to do harm to others. Neither does the forgiveness that we extend depend on the repentance of those who’ve wronged us, nor on our ability to confront them… perhaps they are dead, unknown, or beyond reach. Forgiveness does not mean that you have to restore relationship with harmful individuals, or become door mats that refuse to hold others accountable for their actions. We may forgive people for what they’ve done, but we must deal with what they are doing, remember what they are, and never enable their ability to continue doing harm.[4]
The forgiveness that Jesus asks of those whom He has forgiven is to relinquish in our hearts the debt that we believe others owe us for wrongs committed against us. It means that we stop cultivating revenge fantasies. It means that we stop mentally rehearsing their sins and nurturing our pain and anger over them. The forgiveness that Jesus asks is to release hate, to be healed from the damage that hate does to the hater, and to stop acting out against others in one way or another because of that hate. One wise one has described unforgiveness as letting those who hurt you continue to hurt you by letting them live rent free inside your head. Another has noted that unforgiveness is like drinking poison in the hopes that the person who did you wrong will die.
Forgiveness is a process that begins, not ends, with deciding that you want to forgive, that for your own Christian growth you must forgive. So let’s start there.[5]
Pray, “Lord, I can’t forgive, but I must forgive. You have forgiven the unforgivable in me; help me do the same for others.”
~Andrew D. Sargent, Ph.D.
[1] Mark 2:7.
[2] Psalm 51:4.
[3] Matthew 18:15. Matthew 18 is a speech by Jesus to the Disciples over issues of power, justice, and personal forgiveness in their future Church leadership.
[4] This is NOT a call to vigilante justice, or revenge in any other form; it is just a recognition of the limits of what Jesus is addressing in His call for us to forgive those who have wronged us.
[5] If this is a major issue for you let me recommend a few writers that might help you through the process. An easy read book on dealing with unforgiveness is Mark Sowersby’s Forgiving the Nightmare from Arrow press 2021. Two classic writers who have experienced the unforgivable and still found forgiveness in Christ are Corey Ten Boom (start with The Hiding Place) and Helen Roseveare (Start with Give Me This Mountain, He Gave Us a Valley, and Count it All Joy).
